Dude, Where's My Baby

So does life suck when your baby has multiple seizures every day?  Let me give an example:  Wake up to your baby pawing at your chest, cuddle with your baby, she's so sweet...you nurse her, you smile at her, you realize you have to change her diaper and give her some medicine.  Just as you are about to get up out of bed----- her eyes glaze over.  Her face changes.  Suddenly she looks high.  You wonder if this is really happening...she is not 'happy', she looks HIGH unlike what a baby should ever look like!  Then her eyes roll back in her head and she freezes.  Her whole body sticks straight out and she goes stiff.  Then her mouth starts doing a weird jiggly thing.  She starts to smack her lips at the same time that her limbs start jerking violently.  SHIT!  You start to react.  Where are her meds?  This isn't your first rodeo.  Grab her, hold her on her left side.  Make sure her mouth is clear.  Is she breathing?  (So hard to tell since she turns blue and her breathing slows down to almost nothing).  You put the pill in her mouth and dissolve it between her lip and gum. Oh God.  She will be fine.  She will be fine.  You start your mantra.  "I need you, I love you, STAY HERE!  I need you, I love you.  STAY HERE."  Over and over until it's over.  And she goes limp.  She goes unconscious.  You breathe.  You don't breathe.  You call her doctor.  Her doctor knows NOTHING that will change her life.  You love her.  You love her.  You love her.

Shit Luck

EFFing eplipsy.

"Are you kidding me?  Are you seriously telling me my little baby has epilepsy????  Oh my God!!!!!!! What the fuck kind of shit luck is this????"

That is what I feel like screaming from a mountain top or something right now.  I want to scream.  I want to sob for days.  Mommy is sick of this shit.  Mommy is tired of the shit storm.  But Mommy has to take care of everyone and keep everyone happy and relaxed.  Meanwhile I am effing screaming in my head.  "HOLY SHIT!!!!  Fuck You, epilepsy!!  Stop fucking with my baby.  And leave us alone, shit luck!"

So, I figure a project that doesn't have anything to do with anything would be some good therapy.  And after a few trips out of town and to the hospital, etc.  I realize we are carrying too many bags, and Mr. can never find anything in the actual diaper bag we have.  It is also just hard to access everything in the bag we have now.  The gusseted pockets would be useful if we didn't have so much stuff in the main compartment.  It just takes forever to get to anything, it's a real pain in the butt.

Right before I had Charlotte, I bought a diaper bag at Target.  I just picked the cutest print in the biggest bag they had.  Silly me.  After all, this isn't my first rodeo, you'd think I'd have learned how important a diaper bag is.  I blame my scrambled pregnancy brain.

This is the bag:

Spark by Skip Hop Loft in Poppy

It's not available anymore, so I will be listing it on Ebay to help pay for my new bag.

These are the bags I am trying to decide between:

Ju Ju Be BFF in either Marvelous Mums or Powder Icing

Or JJ Cole System 180 in either Navy Drop or Vintage Poppy which is NOT available until September.

 Vintage Poppy

 Blue Vine

 Navy Drop

Interior Mommy Flap (shown in Black Damask)

Decisions, decisions... and at these prices, I better make the right one this time!